Quantum mechanics tells us that the fact of observation changes the expression or state of what is being observed. We change reality by observing it so that believing is seeing and observing things differently causes them to be different for us. In this way, we can consider how we observe and experience ourselves so that when we repeat mantras and affirmations, when we apply rehearsal and visualisation to who we are and how we live our lives, who we think, imagine and envision ourselves to be changes and the way we see and experience the world changes because of it. As we begin to invest in and create new beliefs in the conscious mind about what we might be and do and experience, these are accepted by the subconscious mind which directs us to behave in ways that affirm them, guiding who we are and how we take part in the world, changing the way we view and experience it.
As what we think we see and what we visualise are often informed by what we don’t want in life, what we wish we didn’t have to deal with, what we have been programmed to believe is most likely even if not most desired, we rarely imagine and live as a self that is reflective of who we really are, what we are really capable of and want to become. When we come to understand the potential we hold to affect the seemingly physical world, self discovery guides us to glorious self realisation, imagining and experiencing ourselves as healthy, happy, successful, connected, courageous, strong, harmonious, peaceful, graceful and powerful beyond measure.
In order to realise our potential for health on every level, we have to start creating a self image that is psychologically, emotionally and spiritually secure no matter what others think or say about us and no matter how they behave towards us. When we do this, we connect with a self that is rooted in wholeness and health, balanced and peaceful, calm and clear in every instance and circumstance, aware of and in control of every thought and feeling that occurs and able to consciously choose which to follow, which to trust, which to invest in and energise and act on.
Which leads us to see that it is our thinking and feeling about what other people say and believe and do that creates our experience of it. It is the thoughts we think about their behaviour that allows it into our minds. Another person cannot force us to take in what they say and do; we ingest it and process it according to the way we view it. Other people actually have no input other than what we allow or, more accurately, create.
Many of us were raised to be concerned about what other people think of us. The idea that we were being watched and judged and condemned was passed down to us by people who had this belief passed down to them and until we become aware of it as an idea rather than a truth, it can seem like some kind of law we must abide by.
But how helpful is this for us? How free are we to be and act and live as we choose when we must take into account other people’s opinions all of the time? It leads to default self judgement and criticism and keeps us welded to our past actions and mistakes as we hold in our minds what other people were thinking about us then and how they must still view us now and how wrong or bad or inferior they must believe us to be. We do not feel free to grow and explore and investigate life because we are so frightened that in other people’s opinion we will be getting something wrong and be blamed, shamed, called out or ridiculed for it.
We have all heard by now that what other people think of us is none of our business which is particularly pertinent in a time when other people share their opinions about others widely and freely. Allowing ourselves to disengage from the need for approval from others as well as the desire to defend, prove and justify who we are is what allows us to focus on what is important in our lives and do what it is we feel we have been put here to do, regardless of what other people might think about it.
The one thing we all know by now is that if someone has an idea about us that feels solid and real for them, they’ll think it no matter what we do to try to change their minds. Each and every one of us lives in a separate reality of our own making. This could be seen as evidence that other people’s thoughts about us are not especially useful or trustworthy and yet our conditioning means that we still pay them heed, time and consideration.
No successful story starts with, I got worried about what everyone else thought about me and decided not to pursue the venture or cause or project. What we do find is that those who do well in life pay little attention to the opinions that others hold about them, good or bad or work hard to ignore or override their programming. If we want to be free from the fear of what other people think about us, we have to understand that their ideas and opinions can have no bearing on us unless we allow them to.
We can also see how living a life that is motivated by a desire to be viewed as successful by others, to be deemed right or good by the standards of an unknown consensus, to be seen to be doing well rather than acting in alignment with our truth and our own common sense, can find us losing sight of what matters to us. When this happens we rarely feel fulfilled no matter how well we seem to be doing in other people’s eyes and often, despite having what appears to be the approval of others, we feel unsatisfied and even lost.
Noticing the familiar tug of anxiety, stress, defensiveness and worry that occur when we are told what other people think of us or start imagining what they do, can help us to change our reaction. Habitual feeling created by habitual thinking that we were conditioned into believing and identifying with until they appeared to be the right or normal way to approach life can be changed. Once we see this for the unhelpful, disempowering and limiting paradigm that it is, it no longer makes sense for us to invest in it. Once we see how it is affecting our life, we no longer want to give it power.
The more we choose a new way for ourselves, the more natural it becomes for us to take this route in future. Once we decide we want to feel differently about other people’s opinions and potential views on who we are and how we live our lives, we can start making changes to the way we think. We can’t control the thoughts that flow through our minds but we can control the way we think about them. If a thought leaves us with a feeling of unease, we can trust our feelings as a reflection of our state of mind in the moment. If we feel neutral or calm about something, we are in a state of mind that will lead to us to investigate our thoughts with clarity and a clear perspective which often leads to positive action. If we feel otherwise, it can be helpful for us to drop out of our thinking until we feel able to consider it more consciously.
It makes no sense for us to spend our time on Earth hampered or even paralysed by what other people think. Freeing ourselves from the compulsion to be concerned about other people’s opinions empowers us to find out who we really are, listen to our intuition and inner wisdom and follow our own lead. Opinions, beliefs, ideas are all just thoughts. Deciding on the ones we choose to invest and believe in is up to us. Why not choose the ones that free us from the worry of paying attention to what other people think and focus instead on the ones that help us to live the lives we really desire?
I am immune to the opinions and behaviour of others
The mantra, I am immune to the opinion and behaviour of others does not mean we condone or are physically unaffected by what others say or do to us but that within, where we are whole and healthy and safe, we are not hurt, damaged or diminished by their opinions or judgements or treatment of us. That we are born strong and resilient enough to remain well within. That we are spiritually protected. It means that we are able to operate from a sane and balanced state of mind regardless of what is occurring around us if we allow ourselves to tune into our wellbeing and ability to take guided and helpful action in every circumstance.
The way to live this way, to make this mantra real and true for us is to allow ourselves to experience a clear and open perspective on a situation. Everyone has an opinion on what everyone else is doing and unfortunately, those who are hurt, lost or feeling disconnected from wellbeing, seem to have the harshest opinions and feel most compelled to share them with the world at large as well as the people they are judging.
In an age of advanced technology, not only might we hear the opinions of others in real life but strangers can share their opinions of us in seconds online and gain support from other unhappy people in an atmosphere of righteousness and judgement. This still does not mean that we allow them to create self doubt or insecurity on our part, that we question our worth or what we are capable or deserving of. When confrontation occurs or attacks are made, we can remember that just because we are invited to an argument, doesn’t mean we need accept, that what we carry weighs us down and that what we engage in uses our energy.
Focusing on the feelings of stress or worry or anxiety that might arise from getting caught up in other people’s opinions of us will not help us gain insight into or move on from a situation where we are being judged but keeps us bogged down in the pain of considering and reliving the encounter. We do not have to justify, defend or assert ourselves when we know who we are. If we feel we want to share information or even explain past actions in the light of new knowledge, we can do this from a space of self trust and self love and not from an urge to prove we are not what we are accused of.
For those of us raised to believe that what others think of us is ultimately important, we can take our cues from very young children. They have disagreements, move on, make pronouncements, move on, give and receive criticism and move on because they haven’t yet been taught the word reputation. Their identity is fluid so there is nothing they need to defend other than their thinking in the moment which they easily allow themselves to change and move on from. It is only once they become conditioned to believe they are letting people down and thereby letting themselves down by not being liked, not being respected, not being amenable that this natural ability to live with grace and in flow begins to be covered up, rejected and forgotten.
As people who are ever changing, ever growing, emotional, reactive, learning, of course there will be instances in which we wish we had behaved differently and acknowledging that we are human, contending with the conditioned self, at times led by the limited mind allows us to reflect on our behaviour so that we can pinpoint the moment we made the choice to do what we did and identify the thinking and feeling that led us to it. This allows us to consider how we may have handled things differently if we had given ourselves the space and pause to centre, to ground ourselves in our ability to take different action and how we can do this in similar situations in future.
We cannot moderate our behaviour solely to avoid bullies or criticism or judgement because it doesn’t work; for the person determined to exert their right to free speech in every context, to force confrontation, to act aggressively and make their opinions known, their unwarranted and unpredictable actions stem from their thoughts and beliefs and their behaviour has little or nothing to do with us. So when we receive a critical comment, we can choose to just not mind. The ego feels itself to be attacked but truly, we are not in danger, we are not at risk, we are not under threat, we do not need to hide away or defend ourselves and most often any response from us will fall on deaf ears or encourage them to continue so we do not even need to counter the attack.
Again, this does not mean we tolerate behaviour that is unacceptable, does not mean we do not take measures to keep ourselves safe, does not mean we permit disrespect or inconsideration but that we do not allow these behaviours to make us question our wellbeing, our sanity, our ability to feel calm and whole and well regardless of the way other people act.
We hear again and again that hurt people hurt people and at some point we are all hurt people. Having compassion for those who criticise or seek to harm us not only diverts us from thoughts of insecurity and defensiveness but allows us to keep ourselves separate from the source of their pain. And it also allows us to refuse the pain they are projecting onto us so that we don’t internalise it and in turn direct it towards someone else.
Our bodies are fragile but our spirits are unbreakable. We are programmed for a fight or flight response to any perceived threat in order to save our physical selves. Knowing this and letting that response fade quickly when we experience criticism allows us to revert to the strength of our spiritual self and let the perceived threat pass. We do not need to protect what is whole and healthy.
The limited mind tries to make sense of life within the bounds of its knowledge. But focusing on the criticism of others gets us nowhere if we are rooted in the feelings of stress that immediately result from it. Not minding what others choose to think about us – regardless of how compelling their reasoning or their claims of consensus – frees us from the need to respond or engage. And freedom from engagement means the freedom to walk away, unattached to the encounter and able to move on from it unharmed reflecting on it if we feel guided to from a state of deep peace, clarity and meditation.
When we speak affirmations that reiterate our ability to do this, to remain rooted in self trust and self respect, self love and compassion for others in every circumstance, we reprogramme ourselves to believe that we are worthy of health and happiness, respect and right treatment at the same time as we are able to remain whole and well, clear and wise no matter the situation. Reprogramming our minds by speaking affirmations sees us acting in accordance with the beliefs we want to hold about the world that we repeat in order to transfer our conscious beliefs into the subconscious mind.
I love and approve of myself
I deserve consideration and respect
I take action to protect and promote my wellbeing from a clear mind
I act with compassion and set and maintain boundaries
I know when to take action to ensure my safety on every level
I trust my ability to keep myself healthy and well
I am always safe and unharmed within
I feel whole and secure in the face of judgement and criticism
It is not my job to heal those who hurt me
I care for myself first and foremost because it is my right to support myself in living well
The most disempowering notion is the one that sees us as at the total mercy of life with no way of controlling how it makes us feel and no way of changing our feelings unless the world outside of us changes first. In actual fact we can take control of our inner state at any time and in any moment but we have to get clear on what is most important to us: creating a new experience for ourselves or staying as we are.
We are in control of our inner state and any time we start to feel overwhelmed by our thinking and the emotions it is creating or unable to change the direction they are headed in we have to make the choice to rein them in so that we can return to a place of peace and power. We can take control of our inner state and deep down we want to, even when we are upset and wanting to show it, even when we are justified in a certain attitude, even when we are dealing with the unimaginable we have the ability to decide on what is going on within us and choose something that supports our wellbeing and keeps us in touch with it.
Simply, when we find ourselves aggravated, scared or sad we can stop our thinking in the moment and enter a state of no feeling. In this state we have the awareness to know that we get to choose how we act, what choices we make and what thinking and feelings we create. At any time this is an option for us, we just have to take it and want it more than we want to default to a familiar role or behaviour we are comfortable with even when they are not serving us in living the lives we want to be living.
Of course we aren’t perfect and we don’t have to be it’s just that knowing we can take control of our inner state is liberating, freeing and ultimately comforting. We will have our less conscious moments when we get taken over by fear, unhappiness, frustration but we then get to choose not to keep those feelings going, not to live in those states of being but to take control of where we are heading with our thinking and what we are creating with our feelings so that we move through those moments where we would have before believed ourselves to be at the mercy of life in a state of health and clarity, able to control how we experience and respond to them.
We can change who we are and how we operate as soon as we decide to and use the gifts of thought and consciousness to create any experience we wish. Just because we have been taught that certain reactions to life and to our own actions are appropriate or expected doesn’t mean we need to keep choosing them. We can reassess the ideas and opinions we have taken as true and change our beliefs to reflect a more accurate and helpful understanding of how we might better take part in the world.
This all becomes so much easier when we give ourselves over to a higher intelligence, a spiritual power, what is called God or Source or Light because when we do we get out of the way, we say, I can’t deal with this from a limited mind so I give it up to something greater, I allow myself to open up to a more Universal understanding. In this act is the acknowledgment that when we operate from a limited perspective we miss out on wisdom and inspiration and that we know a higher, more insightful source of knowledge is available to us.
We cannot move on from where we are unless we know we have the option to experience something new, something greater and actually we all do know this deep down because we want something better for ourselves every time we feel despair, anguish, separation. Wanting something better means we know on some level it is available to us and we allow ourselves to experience it when we drop out of the limited mind and into a space of truth and intelligent love that exists before, beneath and beyond unhelpful conditioned thinking.
Every time we invite this power into our lives, every time we open up to it, we are taking control of our inner state. We are asserting that the limited mind cannot and will not lead us to a helpful choice or outcome and that we are willing to move beyond it to experience something new and more beneficial. We take control of our inner state in this way because we are acknowledging that we can change it and that we do so by allowing our higher selves to lead the way and not our limited programming and the limiting beliefs we have invested in, created and energised.
There is an immense power at our disposal that we use to our detriment at the same time as we overlook it in order to affirm ourselves as weak, broken, damaged, justified. We don’t make positive change this way, we do when we stand in our truth, in our light and allow our wellbeing and wisdom to guide us in our actions. When we take control of our inner state by choosing the direction of our thinking and the feelings we live in and act on, we no longer look to the outside world to do this for us and can instead use our time and energy to live from the Divine intelligence within and around us that is always guiding us to be love, share love, promote love and do so from a place of self love.
Sometimes the clearest way for us to realise and recognise who we are is to determine who we are not. You are not the voice of judgement in your head, nor the voice of abuse or anger, resentment or depression. You are not the fear you feel, the worry or stress or overwhelm. You are not the condemnation, accusation, blame, shame, guilt or bitterness that you have invested in and focused on. You are not the things that have been done to you or the things that you have done.
You are not your thoughts, your actions, your behaviours, your beliefs. They are compelling but they are not true; they are not you. You are the pure light of love. You are the creative energy of the Universe.
You are always being guided by its intelligence. You are always being supported by the Divine. Do not be fooled by the urgency of the ego. Do not be swept away by the intensity of your emotions. These are not who you are but what you have created. It is time to free yourself from identifying with them. It is time to build something new. It is time to begin living a life that reflects and is guided by the real you.
You have the resources to unpack what you are carrying and investigate your conditioning with a sense of detachment and neutrality and without any unease or embarrassment. Repeating these affirmations will guide you to reflect on how you act in a way that informs your understanding without any judgement, criticism or need to seek affirmation from others whilst having compassion for those who maybe do not feel loving towards themselves because they are still caught in a trap of repeating unhelpful behaviour that was modelled for them at an early age or is based on confusion or insecurity.
These affirmations encourage us to consider our response to life rather than default to unhelpful subconscious behaviours so that we can choose who we are and how we act at all times. When we approve of ourselves, we want to act in ways that support this and pausing in moments of challenge to turn within and listen to our wisdom so that we do not default to unhelpful conditioning keeps us on the path of evolution and expansion.
This uncovering of the true self and the misunderstandings that lead to us covering up who we really are is an antidote to shame. Shame does not lead to positive change. Living in shame leads to a desire to offload or escape the pain of self hatred and despair which is not healthy for us individually or as a whole. In shame we often feel the need to blame and are either quick to evade responsibility for our actions, habitualised to take the blame for everything or point a finger at others out of a misguided sense that we will somehow ease our own suffering.
Self forgiveness and forgiveness for others do not come easily from from shame. Impossibly high standards for all become the norm and everyone fails. And when failure is inevitable it backs up the feeling of shame and fuels more unhelpful behaviour.
If you have lived in or do live in shame, be gentle with yourself when those familiar feelings of guilt, anxiety and stress around who you think you are or what you’ve done or had done to you come up. If you are living with a desire to blame others for where you are and what you’ve done, let yourself be free. Judgement, anger, resentment, bitterness are all burdens that prevent from us experiencing the lightness of peace. We are the only ones who can set them down. It is loving that lightens our load. We have to embrace the truth of who we are and fall so deeply in love with ourselves that we release all that would block this. And we have to do this for ourselves. No one else can do this for us.
We are all a product of our conditioning and upbringing until we choose not to be. You have the choice. You deserve better. You can have better. Rehabilitation in any way that works for us is to be encouraged and offered to us all. This is what will heal the world; showing people how to live from a free mind and a sense of self worth. Blame does not heal anyone. Shame does not guide us towards health and healing.
We have all had unhealthy behaviour modelled for us and we have all dealt with pain and suffering and insecurity and unhappiness. Some more than others of us have taken this out on strangers, family or friends. It is time now to forgive ourselves for our pasts, for the actions we have taken that have hurt others and those of others that have hurt us. Now, in the present moment, is where our power lies. In this moment here, we can heal our lives and we all deserve to. Teaching and sharing this in society is what will make us whole. The opposite turns us away from our true selves and there is no direction other than home that will help us to be well and heal our lives.
When we fully realise this, we give up putting so much store in the ideas and opinions others hold of us and we simply accept what is so that we have the energy to focus on dealing with what we need to and moving on from what we don’t. The reason life flows well for us when we flow with it is that we move out of a state of resistance and into a state of acceptance and from here we have the ability to take conscious action towards health and happiness for ourselves and others.
This is because we refocus our attention, we reroute our energy and we ascend to higher states of being that vibrate at a different frequency, interfacing with what we want rather than what we don’t, transcending what limits us, blocks us and weighs us down so that we feel lighter, brighter, better equipped for life and able to think clearly, act effectively and enjoy better results.
Science tells us that the world is made of energy with each atom at least 99.9% space. The reason we experience form is because electrons move around the nucleus of each atom at varying speeds and in unique patterns which reflect or absorb light. Slower patterns lose energy and faster patterns use energy. As this happens, electrons absorb and reflect light which creates an illusion of solid objects.
When we touch an object, what is actually happening is the electrons in our body and the electrons in the object become close to each other’s atoms which changes their movement. Two atoms coming together uses energy as the electrons need to move into faster patterns in order to move differently to other electrons around the nuclei as no two electrons around the same nucleus can move in the same pattern. In this case, the energy required is not supplied by light but by the ‘objects’ themselves which cannot supply enough energy to bring the atoms together and so a state of resistance occurs, giving the illusion that the objects are solid. What is actually being experienced is the electromagnetic force of the electrons.
Using this as a metaphor when considering the different states of mind of resistance and acceptance, we can understand that when it comes to dealing with an issue or situation, when we try to resist it via force of some kind, we use a lot of energy to create an experience that makes what we are dealing with feel like something solid and real that needs to be struggled against or fought with. If we change the way we view how we might approach a situation and give ourselves a break from resisting what is, we can deal with what we need or want to in a way that affords us the space to let light in, to illuminate the illusion, to see through the thinking that has created our experience and take action to change what might have seemed unchangeable from a different state of mind.
By doing this, we reclaim our energy so that we access clearer thinking which leads to practical and helpful action that doesn’t diminish us but restores and revitalises us. We change the frequency of our thinking and feel differently because of it. As all energy vibrates at a frequency and all frequency carries information, we are energised by life because we are radiating health and wellbeing and this is returned to us. We all have the ability to see through what has seemed solid, to move on from what has felt real, to look beyond what is known to a more true, more authentic, more beneficial state of being and believing.
Don’t worry about what other people think of you. Give up thoughts of what you’ve done wrong or misunderstood. Let go of the need to prove or show or demonstrate to those who don’t care about, can’t understand or aren’t interested in what you offer. Just be the light you were born as. Remember that you are God, you are the Divine. When you know this truly you act from love and peace and faith because those who need to will see you and those who don’t or can’t won’t affect your understanding of who you are and the energy you live from.
Knowing you are Divine, Universal consciousness in action means you understand that you are a channel of wellbeing and intelligent energy that cannot be altered or damaged and does not need to be evidenced. Living from the space of authentic truth and trust in this is the highest freedom. You can express yourself with absolute confidence about who you are and what gifts you have for the world. Other people’s doubts and rejections mean nothing because you know you are whole and perfect. There is nothing to prove from here or justify because you are being the light you were born as.